I am wheeled to a room in the ER ward. There is a little too much attention being paid to me. I am usually an attention whore but not in this instance.
2 Indian doctors,one woman and one man, enter my room after a cadre of people gathering vitals and information. She does the majority of the talking. I find myself listening to a doctors advice for probably the first time in my life. Did I mention that I am terrified?
Flashback to March 1997, I am in the same hospital. I am in the throes of a major heart attack. And yet I do not hear the doctors as clear as I am hearing them now.
When I had the miocardial infarction, I knew I could get past it. It was all physical. Eat better,live better and watch for the signs.
This is different. I have never been a very physically imposing person. I have never had great atheletic abilities. I have always relied on my brain. I have always been smart. I have always had a quick comedic wit. This episode with the stroke is affecting the one thing that I have always prided myself on. My intelligence is being threatened and I don't like it one bit.
Sometimes doctors don't appreciate comedy in the face of crisis.But that is how I deal with everything in my life. I laid there and listened. I wasn't happy with what I was hearing.
I was scheduled for several tests over the next 4 hrs. MRI on my brain ( I warned them that my brain was not normal), sonogram on my heart and echogram on my carotid arteries.
And then the 4 words that I hate to hear most while at the hospital, "You are being admitted!"
Saturday, April 17, 2010
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
3/26/2010 Off to the Hospital
9:20 am...I arrive home and try to figure out how I am going to get out of the car and into the house. I guess in hindsight I could have called into the house and stayed in the car. But I wasn't thinking real clearly.Hmm!
I'm not sure how and I don't remember all of it but...I'm standing in the bedroom waking my wife and telling her that I'm home from work and I think I need help.
I told her she could stay home, I just wanted her to know where I was. I was going to drive myself the 5 blocks to the ER. (Why I didn't go straight there,I have no idea.) This was not going to fly with her. She was up and ready to go out the door faster than any other time in the history of our relationship.
I have a small car with no power steering and Diane had never driven it. What a fun experience! Even with all of the things that were going with me, I still managed to chirp from the passenger seat about her driving.I can be such a dick! Even when I don't mean to.Sorry Hon!
2 minutes and 47 seconds later we arrived at the ER entrance. I was greeted by a man with a wheelchair and told him that I didn't need it. Diane said that I did....she and Mr. wheelchair won that one.
I am now where I should have been 12 hours earlier. Better late than never!?
I'm not sure how and I don't remember all of it but...I'm standing in the bedroom waking my wife and telling her that I'm home from work and I think I need help.
I told her she could stay home, I just wanted her to know where I was. I was going to drive myself the 5 blocks to the ER. (Why I didn't go straight there,I have no idea.) This was not going to fly with her. She was up and ready to go out the door faster than any other time in the history of our relationship.
I have a small car with no power steering and Diane had never driven it. What a fun experience! Even with all of the things that were going with me, I still managed to chirp from the passenger seat about her driving.I can be such a dick! Even when I don't mean to.Sorry Hon!
2 minutes and 47 seconds later we arrived at the ER entrance. I was greeted by a man with a wheelchair and told him that I didn't need it. Diane said that I did....she and Mr. wheelchair won that one.
I am now where I should have been 12 hours earlier. Better late than never!?
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
3/26/2010 Going to work
7:30 am...I succeded in getting ready for work,barely. My hand still isn't working great, I got my jeans buttoned though. I made my way gingerly down the stairs, slightly dragging my left foot behind me. Put my coat on, couldn't grasp the zipper so it hung open. Good thing I got my jeans buttoned.
I went out to the car and managed to squeeze myself into my '95 Ford Aspire. I had to wait for the windows to defrost because I wasn't getting out to scrape the ice and into the car again.
I kept telling myself to go to the hospital, to not drive the 9 miles to work. It's 4 blocks to the ER! I decided to take the right turn towards work.
Mentally I feel pretty good. Physically, I am a wreck. I managed to smoke a cigarette ( smart move) while driving with my right hand. 9 miles on a major interstate at 60 mph during the after effects of a stroke. I have to be the worlds smartest idiot.
I made it to work and labored getting myself out of the car. I completed the 2 things that had been running through my head all night.
8:30am... My supervisor arrived at work. I told him " I fink I need to go to da osthpital!"
He looked at me and knew right away that something was wrong. I tried to explain what had happened and really couldn't get the words out.
I told him that I had to go and he wondered what the hell I was doing there in the first place. So....
9:00 am...I got back in my car and made the drive back home. I am just fricking brilliant,aren't I?
Driving home trying to figure out how to tell my wife that I need to go to the ER now!
I went out to the car and managed to squeeze myself into my '95 Ford Aspire. I had to wait for the windows to defrost because I wasn't getting out to scrape the ice and into the car again.
I kept telling myself to go to the hospital, to not drive the 9 miles to work. It's 4 blocks to the ER! I decided to take the right turn towards work.
Mentally I feel pretty good. Physically, I am a wreck. I managed to smoke a cigarette ( smart move) while driving with my right hand. 9 miles on a major interstate at 60 mph during the after effects of a stroke. I have to be the worlds smartest idiot.
I made it to work and labored getting myself out of the car. I completed the 2 things that had been running through my head all night.
8:30am... My supervisor arrived at work. I told him " I fink I need to go to da osthpital!"
He looked at me and knew right away that something was wrong. I tried to explain what had happened and really couldn't get the words out.
I told him that I had to go and he wondered what the hell I was doing there in the first place. So....
9:00 am...I got back in my car and made the drive back home. I am just fricking brilliant,aren't I?
Driving home trying to figure out how to tell my wife that I need to go to the ER now!
Monday, March 29, 2010
3/26/2010 THE STROKE: Early AM
Out of pure Exhaustion, I finally crashed around 1:30am.It lasted about 35 min.
I could not stand the weight of the blankets on my body. So I went ( read, crawled) back downstairs and laid/sat on the couch and dozed off and on until about 6:30am.
The numbness in my leg was back,but I could use it. My hand was back to being uncooperative.
"I have to get to work. I can not lose my job. Too many people are depending on me to get things done today." Those thoughts ran over and over in my head.
I got dressed and was determined to make it to work.
I could not stand the weight of the blankets on my body. So I went ( read, crawled) back downstairs and laid/sat on the couch and dozed off and on until about 6:30am.
The numbness in my leg was back,but I could use it. My hand was back to being uncooperative.
"I have to get to work. I can not lose my job. Too many people are depending on me to get things done today." Those thoughts ran over and over in my head.
I got dressed and was determined to make it to work.
3/25/2010 The Stroke
9:05 pm We were just sitting there watching some random show. I got up to go to the kitchen for a Pepsi. 3 steps........
My vision swam, my knees got weak and I knew that if I didn't sit down, I was going out! 3steps back......
I more or less plopped back onto the couch....everything sounded 4 miles away.....I was cold but sweating profusely....I could not lift my left arm , "That's not right!" I thought to myself. Then the comic in me jumped up and said "It's not a very good left either!" I could lift my left leg but just barely. My wife was speaking to me but it sounded as if someone where crinkling a potato chip bag inside of my head. My tongue seemed to be swelling inside my mouth like a Ballpark frank on a hot grill. My speech was that of man who drank about 11 beers in about an hour.
My wife wanted to call 911...in my male stubbornness, I would not let her, because I knew it was going to go away. But the intelligent part of my brain knew that I was having a stroke. She kept patting my forehead with a damp cloth and I kept explaining to her that I could not go to the hospital. Too many people were depending on me at work the next day.
10:00... the numbness in my leg was going away. I could lift my arm, but not use my fingers. My speech was coming back slowly. One of the first things I said was "See! I told you it would go away" but in my head I heard " Theee! Ah thold oo it wuud doeway!" I knew I was in trouble. I could not let it show! Because I am a MAN!
and I have responsibilities.
10:30 pm...I could stand up. Feebly. I could drink out of a glass. No dribbles. My speech was down to the effects of a 6 pack. I talked my wife into letting me just go to bed and I would be alright in the morning. Some how,with the help of my hands and knees I made it up the stairs to bed.
11:30...I take a Valium to try to help me get to sleep...I don't feel too bad now...My leg works pretty good..My hand can actually grasp things now and my speech is novacainish.
By Midnight, I knew sleep was going to be next to impossible. because I was scared shit-less once my whole brain came back together and I got a real handle on what was happening to me.
My vision swam, my knees got weak and I knew that if I didn't sit down, I was going out! 3steps back......
I more or less plopped back onto the couch....everything sounded 4 miles away.....I was cold but sweating profusely....I could not lift my left arm , "That's not right!" I thought to myself. Then the comic in me jumped up and said "It's not a very good left either!" I could lift my left leg but just barely. My wife was speaking to me but it sounded as if someone where crinkling a potato chip bag inside of my head. My tongue seemed to be swelling inside my mouth like a Ballpark frank on a hot grill. My speech was that of man who drank about 11 beers in about an hour.
My wife wanted to call 911...in my male stubbornness, I would not let her, because I knew it was going to go away. But the intelligent part of my brain knew that I was having a stroke. She kept patting my forehead with a damp cloth and I kept explaining to her that I could not go to the hospital. Too many people were depending on me at work the next day.
10:00... the numbness in my leg was going away. I could lift my arm, but not use my fingers. My speech was coming back slowly. One of the first things I said was "See! I told you it would go away" but in my head I heard " Theee! Ah thold oo it wuud doeway!" I knew I was in trouble. I could not let it show! Because I am a MAN!
and I have responsibilities.
10:30 pm...I could stand up. Feebly. I could drink out of a glass. No dribbles. My speech was down to the effects of a 6 pack. I talked my wife into letting me just go to bed and I would be alright in the morning. Some how,with the help of my hands and knees I made it up the stairs to bed.
11:30...I take a Valium to try to help me get to sleep...I don't feel too bad now...My leg works pretty good..My hand can actually grasp things now and my speech is novacainish.
By Midnight, I knew sleep was going to be next to impossible. because I was scared shit-less once my whole brain came back together and I got a real handle on what was happening to me.
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